Asalamu alaykom ramatullahi wa barakato:
First off, thank you ALL for your letters of support pertaining to this post. Keep 'em coming:) InshaAllah everything will happen as it is meant and work itself out with time and dua.
Second, I really, really hope my parents don't read this blog because SOMEONE is likely to try and mess up my life again by telling my non-muslim father who I haven't told yet (and who I'd like to calm with a visit to this beautiful country I am in first)... So YOU-KNOW-WHO, please, if you read this, leave me alone to live my life. Do not try to sabotage my decisions so you can laugh and say "I told you so" taking delight in any difficulty that befalls me. The Qu'ran itself warns Muslims against people like you have exhibited yourself to be, saying: "If something good happens to you, they hurt, and if an affliction befalls you, they say, "We told you so," as they turn away rejoicing." [9:50-52].
That is sign enough for me that I don't [and really shouldn't] take your advice, or trust you, as people who "rejoice in saying I told you so" and when something good happens to me "they hurt" are those who come from the path that leads to fire and away from mercy.
When I told YOU-KNOW-WHO-YOU-ARE I married Y you tried to make my life hell and tried to wreck that marriage, and so many peoples lives were wrapped up in a cat-n-mouse game your wus-wus [whispers of doubts ect] brought upon us.
Boxie, Y, and I, our lives will never, ever be the same. My heart was broken. Her heart was broken. Y cried everytime he prayed. KH feels less than he did before, Allah forgive us all for all that we did wrong, and praise-be-to-Him, for all the understanding and right He subhanhu wa'ta'ala guided us to.
BTW, KH, isn't really the Khaleel of the fictional story in the "how to live like an Omani princess" blog. Only a few incidents therein are even the slightest bit on KH. The events might be similar to what happened to us all, but none of the sentiments are after a certain point. It is a story meant to be exciting. Get over it, and don't read into things too much.
And I don't hate you, I just pity you. And ask Allah to forgive you, and guide you, because despite everything you have wrecked upon yourself and others and all the lies you told me and Y, P, Dr. N, KH et all, ALHAMDULILAH also, our lives will never be the same.
Boxie, Y, and I, we all decided, our lives will be BETTER. And I am so happy YOU-KNOW-WHO-YOU-ARE-IF-YOU-ARE-READING-THIS. My life is good. You just want it to be bad.
Know I am not afraid of you, should you return here, because KH knows you despite the fact that he will always be kind to you, and above all, knows my character to be more than that of what would be my inheritance had you your way. And should you play at legalities and sympathies in an attempt to take my security and friends away from me again, I had a Muslim witness to the curse you put on me, to not be able to concieve any children. They know you for what you are now. Your ability to "see the future" is not your gift, but JINN/demons trying to trick you, either to commit suicide or to give you flase pride, I don't know, and as for anywitchraft from spells and curses, Allah is stronger than His Creation, and I do believe, love is stronger than hate. What Allah wills, no other can disallow or stop, and what Allah does not will, no other can provide or create. I am QUITE content with that, actually ;)
You-know-who-if-you-are-reading this: I still love you. I hope you get better one day, inshaAllah. Know that I am praying for you.
Third, ILH, readers, apparently I was cursed to have an empty womb, but I kinda wanna start a little family so keep me in your duas. I am not a huge power-giver to curses kind of person. Allah can undo any curse or spell wrought, and as I already said, love is waaaaaaaaaay stronger than hate.
Fourth, now YOU-KNOW-WHO is probably reading this part going, why'd you want to write this to internet blog Muslimah readers if you don't want me to go and spread it to your family, but Muslimahs, by their strength of being Muslimahs, even virtual strangers, are closer to me in many ways, than blood can ever attain in its jahliliya.
Fifth, ILH readers who love me for the sake of Allah, and who I love for the sake of Allah, and who love what Allah and His Messenger allowed us, and abstain from what they forbid us by the will of Allah, I want to announce to you something that may make the less knowledgeable of you dislike me, or think I am somehow different from you.
I am no longer the only wife in my marriage. And I am happy Allah has given my husband and I and my new sister-wife the strength to do so, supporting eachother, and wanting for eachother what we want for ourselves. While this kind of marriage suits me better than other sisters as I want a bit-of-away time from being loved (NOT TO DO WITH NOT LIKING SEX ;p) adored protected and amused by my husband, I like to do things that I myself just like to do without that being selfish. {I find it highly selfish of myself to drag a husband around to look at stuff he doesn't like to see ect or to spend time with my girlfriends when he is waiting and wants to spend time with me and can't enjoy those things as much in that position}, and having no Muslim family beyond my husband, really, really like having a Muslim sister to be close to who can help me grow in things, and support the marriage and personal growth.
Some members of our families and friend circles (even the Muslim ones) surely reject this part of Islam, but honestly sisters, when you become a Muslim, or if you are born a Muslim, know that your husband DOES have the right to take another wife in his religion. Fairness wise, the clause does NOT give you the right to determine what is fair. As demonstrated in the sunnah of the Prophet Mohamed and many of the men of the sahaba, fairness is that the man must be able to financially [while the wives have equal rights to things a 2nd-4rth wife can ask for less than the first if she likes], physically [if the wife wants she should get, as if she was an only wife], time-wise [should be equal unless either wife forgoes this], and emotionally [women have different needs so this one varies], provide for all whom he marries. He does not need your permission to do so if he knows he can manage all of the above, on the condition stipulated in the Qu'ran where it allows up to 4 wives: wives should be FROM THE FOLLOWING TYPES OF WOMEN: orphans [an orphan woman in Islam is any woman who has no living Muslim maharam], widows & divorcees with children who cannot be maintained by the man's sadaqah/charity honorably.
But it is NOT halal to marry without the knowledge of any wife he was married to previous. Marriages must be announced publically or they can cause serrious fitnah, such as accusations of adultery and fornication, which disapate respect, and destory communities and families.
*This marriage works only if a. the man understand his 1st wives mental and emotional strength well enough to gauge if such a marriage would make her suicidal ect or if he'd even be able to do it and sustain it, and if the women behave as Muslims are to act. Muslimahs must accept this part of Islam, they can't just pick and choose, saying "that isn't for me and I couldn't do it."
Did you know? Um Salamah (one of the mothers of the believers) TURNED down the Prophet SAW's original marriage proposal (after having previously turned down marriage proposals from both Abu Bakr & Umar) saying she couldn't do it "because she was a jealous woman."? He told Hind bint Banu Makhzum Abu Umayyah (aka Um Salamah): "then pray to Allah for Him to remove your jealousy". She then accepted. And as we can see from studying the seerah, [the history of Islam while the Prophet was alive], she was very happy.
Though a woman in Islam IS allowed to seek divorce if she cannot reconcile herself to being in a marriage with more than one wife besides herself, her husband has not committed a sin against her in the religion if he does not reject her or favour the other wife over her. But in the case of divorce, a woman CANNOT ask her husband to divorce her for expedience or family or tribal custom, as the husband IS NOT ALLOWED TO divorce his wife, in order to marry another. That IS HARAAM from him.
My husband will be the first to say, it is INCREDIBLY hard, and not really something that he wanted. I am a rare woman in that I may have wanted him to do so more than he did. Being emotionally fair to one woman is hard (knowing what she needs to feel secure and loved), and financially and physically it means he might have to work twice as hard as other men.
But make sure you marry a man knowing he KNOWS the responsibilities, is a good fair and just men fearing Allah, in the first place, or you will find yourself in an unfair situation with a husband who rejects you and is unjust.
But do not take it as something against yourself if you cannot fulfill everything in your husband's life, as no person was meant to do that for another, only Allah is that for us. Understand the blessing it can be.
For me, and in my experience, while IT CAN BE A CHALLENGE, I find it more rewarding, and easier for me actually.
And to read what I had written before about the subject previously before allowing myself to be in the situation I quite happily in now:
http://ilovehishmatheblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/when-would-i-consider-this-second-wife.html
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